• Junior Ball on Saturday, April 5th at Sodexo. Doors open at 6:00pm

Filed under Funny Stuff

Top 10 Ways To Get People To Read An Online Newspaper

As you probably know, we’ve been having some trouble with getting students to read our newspaper. So, we’ve brought you the results of an intense planning meeting that took about three minutes. As you can see, we’ve already tried some of these. Please don’t make us do #8. That’s undignified. But we’d be fine with #7. Please make us do that one.

10. Flashy website! Everyone loves a good website, and the more flash animations and dancing baby .gifs the better!

9. Spam Facebook! Because EVERYONE reads our Facebook posts!

8. Streak the Quad while dragging a huge banner with our URL on it.

7. Hire professional swimsuit models to hand out free candy with our URL on it.

6. Cover U Building with a huge banner. With our URL on it.

5. Post annoying advertisements in every classroom possible! With our URL on it.

4. Hand out cookies. With our URL printed on them. In chocolate.

3. Give articles misleading and/or sexually suggestive names. “Size Matters,” anyone?

2. Get our esteemed editor, Alex Bitter, to make shirtless muscle poses in the Quad with our URL printed on his perfectly sculpted abs.

1. Make clever Top 10 lists. Whoo!

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